What's in A Name?

I feel so out of the feminist loop! I've been sick for about a week now, and sleeping through just about everything, including one of my favorite episodes of Buffy last night (Lovers Walk) while the SO was over. I've been going through tons of blogs to catch up, and am seeing a lot of things I would like to write about, but I had the idea for this blog a few days ago, and I'll be damned if I don't write it.

So, what is in a name? I like to think that you are your name, and your name is you. They are two separate things, but at the same time, they are interconnected. I choose to go by "Nikki" even though my given name is "Nicole" because I feel that "Nikki" suits me better. When I write a paper (or a blog) I put my name on it. My name is something that I own, even though it was given to me. I have to take care of it, I am responsible for it, and I can do with it what I please. For the most part, of course.

Now, where does my name come from? My father supplied my last name, and together, (mostly) my mother and father compromised to give me my first name and middle name. I remember ordering class rings in high school, and wanting my full name engraved on the inside. My mother told me I should only get my first and middle names engraved because "my last name will change later." Turned out to be a moot point since I never got my class ring, but, I was astounded at her assumption that 1.) I will get married and 2.) I will change my last name.

First, what a heinous heterosexual patriarchal assumption. Second, yes, I did set her straight, so to speak, on the fact that I have no intentions of getting married. (Oh, but when you meet the right person...) Second, why does the female have to change her name?

Because in taking away part of a persons name, you are taking away part of their identity and supplanting it with a pre-packaged set of norms that comes with this new name. In the novel "The Natural Daughter" the one character is referred to as "Martha" for the entirety of her single-hood. It is written in third person omniscient, so it would be written: "Martha did this/Martha said that/et al." When she gets married, she is no longer referred to, even by the narrator, as "Martha" but instead as "Mrs. Morley." She lost her identity. She ceased to have her old personality, and is now a carbon cut-out of wife-dom (well, at least until Fanny comes along, and she gets kicked out, but that is another feminist rant for another feminist day).

Change a persons name, and you change, or seek to change who they are. I know the whole females changing their last name comes from women being property, first of their father, and then of their husband, but it is more than that. I like my name. It sounds great, and people who know me have known me by the name I have now. If I wanted to write a book, or do something that has my name attached to it, it would be under my name as it is now. How much of a hassle would it be to have to ret-con books/papers/articles/speeches to reflect a married name? It is too easy for a woman to change her name, and all too difficult for men to do it, if, for instance, a man wanted to either take the name of his spouse, or do a hyphenate name. Add in the fact that some of those seeking to change their name may be gay or lesbian or trans-gendered, and you have a ton of problems. (side note: bisexuals - if they are marrying someone of the opposite sex with have the problem of het couples, visa versa for if they are marrying someone of the same sex).

In media/literature, names have been associated with identity, and given importance. In one of my favorite films of all time, "Spirited Away" a girl has her name taken from her, and in that act, she becomes a servant to an evil spirit, and befriends a creature called "No Face." In this film, knowing a persons name gives you power over them. You take away their name, and you take away who they are. In the "Earthsea" cycle, you are given a name at birth, and then another name, which only you and the person who gave it to you know, and then a name everyone knows you by. By knowing somethings true name, you have power over it, and that is how magic is done, by calling something by its true name. You guard your own secret name to make sure no one has power over you. A name is a precious thing, and by taking part of it away from someone, say, by demanding they change their name at marriage, you are taking a part of that person away, and by giving them a new name, you are putting yourself in a position of power over them. By the male demanding that his spouse take his name, he is giving his spouse a loaded word, an identity that is part of his own, and expecting and demanding that this person live up to the connotations and associated precedents that last name comes with.

This is asking far too much of a person, and is far too selfish.